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Cat Lover or Not, this is hysterical!
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By:
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SweetRobin
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Mood:
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in love
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Date:
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01/17/2008 23:59:34
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Music:
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None
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We've all had trouble with our animals, but I don't think anyone can top this
one:
Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable. No matter how
legitimate my excuse, I always get the feeling that my boss thinks I'm lying.
On one recent occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway, because
the truth was just too darned humiliating. I simply mentioned that I had
sustained a head injury, and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day.
By then, I reasoned, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on the top
of my head. The accident occurred mainly because I had given in to my wife's
wishes to adopt a cute little kitty.
Initially, the new acquisition was no
problem.
Then one morning, I was
taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from
the kitchen.
"Honey! The garbage disposal is dead again. Please come
reset it."
"You know where the button is," I protested through the
shower pitter-patter and steam. "Reset it yourself!"
"But I'm scared!" she persisted. "What if it starts going and sucks me
in?"
There was a meaningful pause and then, "C'mon, it'll only take you
a second."
So out I came, dripping wet and butt naked, hoping that my
silent outraged nudity would make a statement about how I perceived her
behaviour as extremely cowardly.
Sighing loudly, I squatted down and
stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I
remember performing.
It struck without warning, and without any respect
to my circumstances. No, it wasn't the hexed disposal, drawing me into its
gnashing metal teeth. It was our new kitty, who discovered the fascinating
dangling objects she spied hanging between my legs. She had been poised around
the corner and stalked me as I reached under the sink. And, at the precise
moment when I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered
and snagged them with her needle-like claws. I lost all rational thought to
control orderly bodily movements, blindly rising at a violent rate of speed,
with the full weight of a kitten hanging from my masculine region.
Wild
animals are sometimes faced with a "fight or flight" syndrome. Men, in this
predicament, choose only the "flight" option. I know this from experience. I was
fleeing straight up into the air when the sink and cabinet bluntly and
forcefully impeded my ascent.
The impact knocked me out cold.
When I
awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me.
Now there are not many
things in this life worse than finding oneself lying on the kitchen floor butt
naked in front of a group of "been-there, done-that" paramedics.
Even worse,
having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics were all snorting loudly as
they tried to conduct their work, all the while trying to suppress their
hysterical laughter......and not succeeding.
Somehow I lived through it
all. A few days later I finally made it back in to the office, where colleagues
tried to coax an explanation out of me about my head injury. I kept silent,
claiming it was too painful to talk about, which it was.
"What's the matter?" They all asked, "Cat got your tongue?"
If they
only knew!
Why is it that only the women
laugh at this?
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