Marriage (Part
I )
Typical macho man married
typical good-looking lady, and
after
the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want,
if I want and at what time
I want
-- and I don't expect any hassle from you.
I
expect a great dinner to be on the table unless
I tell
you that I won't be home for dinner.
I'll
go hunting, fishing, boozing, and card-playing
when I
want with my old buddies, and don't you
give
me a hard time about it.
Those
are my rules. Any comments?"
His
new bride said:
"No,
that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex
here
at seven o'clock every night...whether you're here or not."
(DARN SHE'S
GOOD!)
************ ********* ********* ********* *********
Marriage (Part
II)
Husband and
wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding
anniversary!
The
husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone
that
reads, 'Here Lies My Wife -- Cold As Ever'!"
"Yeah?" she replies. "When you
die, I'm getting you a headstone
that
reads, 'Here Lies My Husband -- Stiff At Last'!"
(HE ASKED FOR
IT!)
************ ********* *********
********* **
Marriage (Part
III)
Husband (a doctor) and his wife
are having a fight at the breakfast table..
Husband gets up in a rage and
says, "And you are no
good
in bed either," and storms out of the house.
After
some time he realizes he was nasty and
decides to make amends and rings
her up.
She
comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated
husband
says,
"What took you so long to answer to the phone?"
She says, "I was in
bed."
"In
bed this early, doing what?"
"Getting a second
opinion!"
(YEP,
HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)
************ ********* ********* *********
**
Marriage (Part IV)
A man
has six children and is very proud of his achievement.
He is
so proud of himself, that he starts calling his
wife,"
Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.
One
night, they go to a party. The man decides that it IS time to go
home
and
wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He
shouts
at the
top of his voice, "Shall we go home Mother of Six?"
His
wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion,
shouts
right back, "Any time you're ready, Father of Four."
(RIGHT
ON, LADY!)
************ ********* ********* *********
**
THE SILENT
TREATMENT
A man
and his wife were having some problems at home
and
were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly the man realized that
the next day he would need his wife
to
wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not
wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece
of
paper,"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find
it.
The
next morning the man woke up, only to discover it
was
9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.
Furious, he was about to go to
see why his wife hadn't wakened him when he
noticed a piece of paper by the
bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men
are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
************ ********* *********
********* **
God
may have created man before woman, but there
is
always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
************ ** ************
********* ******
Send
this to smart women who need a laugh
and to
men you think can handle it !
Marrage
