DATE: 04/19/2008 13:32:51 / MOOD: in love

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A
woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a
mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar,
sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll
win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder
than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you
like poison, and love you like mad.

THE MOODS OF A
MAN

Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.

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DATE: 04/19/2008 13:31:48 / MOOD: disappointed

1. Your boss is always yelling,
"I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"


2. Can take advantage of computer monitor
radiation to work on your
tan.

3. "I'd love to chip in,
but I left my wallet in my pants."


4. To stop those creepy guys in marketing
from looking down your
blouse.

5. You want to see if it's like the dream.

6. With a
little help from Muzak you can add
"Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated
resume.

7. People stop stealing your pens
after they've seen where
you keep them.

8. Diverts attention from the fact
that you also came
to work drunk.

9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.

10.
No one steals your chair.

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DATE: 03/29/2008 15:36:23 / MOOD: happy

 Everyone come watch the new viedo I posted in the video section its to cute and funny you all will love it.


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DATE: 03/06/2008 02:42:04 / MOOD: in love


CURTAIN  RODS---- PRICELESS

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.



On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.



On  the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful
dining room  table by candle-light, put on some soft background music,
and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of
spring-water.



When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited
a few  half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the
curtain rods.



She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned
with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.



Then slowly, the house began to smell.



They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.



Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.  



Air  fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to
set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days
and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.
 Nothing worked.



People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the  house.

The maid quit.



Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.



A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.



Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.



Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.



The  ex-wife called the man and asked how things were  going.



He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and
said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to
reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.



Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a
price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only
if she were to sign the papers that very day.



She  agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.  



A week  later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched
the moving  company pack everything to take to their new home.........



And  to spite the  ex-wife, they even took the the curtain rods!!!!!!



I  LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU?  




 





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DATE: 02/21/2008 13:47:48 / MOOD: other

9 WORDS WOMEN USE
 
(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an
argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
(2) Five Minutes: If
she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five
minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before
helping around the house.
(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.
This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with
nothing usually end in fine.
(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission.
Don't Do It!
(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal
statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you
about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)
(6) That's
Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man.
That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when
you will pay for your mistake.
(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not
question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here -
This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is
not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a
'whatever').
(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying f ____ YOU!
(9)
Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is
something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it
herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's
response refer to # 3.


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DATE: 02/19/2008 13:17:42 / MOOD: other

Everyone has
a personality of a cartoon character. Have you ever asked yourself what cartoon
character do you most resemble?

A group of investigators got together
and analyzed the personalities of well known and modern cartoon characters. The
information that was gathered was made into this test.

Answer all the
questions (only 10) with what describes you best, add up all your Points (which
are next to the answer that you choose) at the end and look for your results.


Do
not cheat by looking at the end of the e-mail before you are
done
.

Then forward this to all your friends ( including
the person who sent it to you ) and
change the subject of this message to what character is you.

1. Which
one of the following describes the perfect date?
A) Candlelight
dinner (4 pts.)
B) Fun/Theme Park (2 pts.)
C) Painting in the park (5 pts)

D) Rock concert (1 pt.)
E) Going to the movies (3 pts.)


2. What is
your favorite type of music?
A) Rock and Roll (2
pts.)
B) Alternative (1 pt.)
C) Soft Rock (4 pts.)
D) Country (5 pts )

E) Pop (3 pts.)

3. What type
of movies do you prefer?
A) Comedy (2
pts.)
B) Horror (1 pt.)
C) Musical (3 pts.)
D) Romance (4 pts.)
E)
Documentary (5 pts.)

4. Which one
of these occupations would you choose if you only could choose one of these?

A) Waiter (4
pts.)
B) Professional Sports Player (5 pts.)
C) Teacher (3 pts.)
D)
Police (2 pts.)
E) Cashier (1 pt)

5 What do you
do with your spare time?
A) Exercise (5
pts.)
B) Read (4 pts.)
C) Watch television (2 pts.)
D) Listen to music
(1 pt.)
E) Sleep (3 pts.)


6. Which one of the following colors do you like best?

A) Yellow (1
pt.)
B) White (5 pts.)
C) Sky Blue (3 pts)
D) Dark Blue(2 pts.)
E)
Red (4 pts.)

7. What do
you prefer to eat?
A) Snow (3
pts.)
B) Pizza (2 pts.)
C) Sushi (1 pt.)
D) Pasta (4 pts.)
E) Salad
(5 pts.)

8. What is
your favorite holiday ?
A) Halloween(1
pt.)
B) Christmas(3 pts.)
C) New Year (2 pts.)
D) Valentine's Day(4
pts.)
E) Thanksgiving(5 pts.)

9. If you
could go to one of these places which one would it be?
A)
Paris (4 pts)
B)
Spain (5 pts)
C)
Las
Vegas (1 pt)
D)
Hawaii (4 pts)
E)
Hollywood (3 pts)

10. With
which of the following would you prefer to spend time with?
A) Someone
Smart (5 pts.)
B) Someone attractive (2 pts.)
C) Someone who likes to
Party (1 pt.)
D) Someone who always has fun (3 pts.)
E) Someone very
sentimental (4 pts.)

Now add up
your points and find out the answer you have been waiting
for! Put your character
in the subject line and forward to your friends and back to the person that sent
this to you.

Very interesting to see 'who' your friends are!

(10-16 points)
You are Garfield
:

You are very comfortable, easy going, and you definitely know how to have
fun but sometimes you take it to an extreme. You always know what you are doing
and you are always in control of your life. Others may not see things as you do,
but that doesn't mean that you always have to do what is right. Try to remember,
your happy spirit may hurt you or others.

(17-23
points) You are Snoopy:

You are fun; you are very cool and popular. You always know what's in and
you ' re never out of style , y ou are good at knowing how to satisfy everyone
else. You have probably disappeared for a few days more than once but you always
come home with the family values that you learned Being married and having
children are important to you, but only after you have had your share of fun
times

(24-28
points) You are Elmo:

You h ave lots of friends and you are also popular, always willing to give
advice and help out a person in need. You are very optimistic and you always see
the bright side of things. Some good advice: try not to be too much of a
dreamer. Dreaming too big could cause many conflicts in your life.


(29-35
points) You are Sponge
Bob Square
Pants:
You
are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone
could ever have and never wants to lose. You never cause harm to anyone and they
would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey, it' s funny and
calm for the most part Stay away from traitors and jealous people and you will
be stress free.

(36-43
points) You are Charlie Brown:

You are tender, you fall in love quickly but you are also very serious about
all relationships. You are a family person. You call your Mom every Sunday. You
have many friends and may occasionally forget a few Birthdays. Don't let your
passion confuse you with reality.

(44-50
points ) You are Dexter:

You are smart and definitely a thinker... Every situation is fronted with a
plan. You have a brilliant mind. You demonstrate very strong family principles.
You maintain a stable routine but never ignore a bad situation when it comes.
Try to do less over thinking every once in a while to spice things up a bit with
spontaneity!



View Entry

DATE: 02/03/2008 17:41:41 / MOOD: other



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DATE: 02/01/2008 23:17:18 / MOOD: other

1. THINGY
(thing-ee) n.

Female...... Any part under a car's hood.

Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.



2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.

Female.... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.

Male.... Playing football without a cup.



3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n .

Female... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.

Male... Leaving a note before taking off on a fishing trip with the boys.



4. COMMITMENT (ko- mit-ment) n.

Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.!

Male...... Trying not to hit on other women while out with this one.



5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.

Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.

Male...... Anything that can be done while drinking beer.



6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-lens) n.

Female.... An embarrassing byproduct of indigestion.

Male...... A source of entertainment, self-expression, male bonding.



7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.

Female...... The greatest _expression of intimacy a couple can achieve.

Male.. Call it whatever you want, just as long as we do it.



8. REMOTE
CONTROL (ri-moht kon-trohl) n.

Female.... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.

Male... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 minutes.

AND;

He said . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.


She said . . You wear pants don't you?



He said . . .... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

She said That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the
sofa and fart!



He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?


She said .....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!



He said . . How many
men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

She said . We don't know; it has never happened.



He said . . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good-
looking?

She said ..... . . They already have boyfriends.



He said .. Why are married women heavier than single women?

She said . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed.
Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

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DATE: 02/01/2008 18:53:56 / MOOD: other

7 kinds of sex.


    The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
    * This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone
    and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

    The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
    * This is when you have been with your partner for a short
    time and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere,
    even in the kitchen.

    The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
    * This is when you have been with your partner for a long
    time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have
    sex only in your bedroom.

    The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
    * This is when you have been with your partner for too
    long. When you pass each other in the hallway you
    both say "screw you."

    The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
    * Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the
    afternoon and Nun at night.(Very Popular)

    The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
    * This is when you cannot stand your wife any more.
    She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

    And; Last, but not least,
    The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
    * You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy your
self.


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