DATE: 11/20/2007 23:08:24 / MOOD: happy
Close your eyes and go back in time....
Before the
Internet....
Before semi-automatics, joyriders and
crack....
Before SEGA or Super Nintendo...
Way
back........
I'm talking about Hide and Seek in the park.
The corner
shop.
Hopscotch.
Butterscotch.
Skipping.
Handstands.
Football
with an old can.
Fingerbob.
Beano, Dandy, Buster, Twinkle and Dennis the
menace.
Roly Poly.
Hula Hoops, jumping the stream, building dams.
The
smell of the sun and fresh cut grass.
Bazooka Joe bubble gum.
An ice cream
cone on a warm summer night from the van that plays a tune
Chocolate or
vanilla or strawberry or maybe Neapolitan or perhaps
a
screwball.
Wait......
Watching Saturday morning cartoons, short
commercials or the flicks.
Childrens Film Foundation, The Double Deckers, Red
Hand Gang, The Tomorrow
People, Tiswas or Swapshop?, and 'Why Don't You'? -
or staying up for
Doctor
Who.
When around the corner seemed far away
and going into town seemed like
going
somewhere.
Earwigs, wasps,
stinging nettles and bee stings.
White dog ???.
Sticky
fingers.
Playing Marbles. Ball bearings. Big 'uns and Little 'uns.
Cops
and Robbers, Cowboys and Indians, and Zorro.
Climbing trees.
Building
igloos out of snow banks.
Walking to school, no matter what the
weather.
Running till you were out of breath, laughing so hard that your
stomach
hurt.
Jumping on the bed. Pillow fights.
Spinning around,
getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
Being tired from
playing....remember that?
The worst embarrassment was being picked last for a
team.
Water balloons were the ultimate weapon.
Football cards in the
spokes transformed any bike into a motorcycle.
Choppers and
Grifters.
Eating raw jelly. Orange squash ice pops.
Remember
when...
There were two types of trainers - girls and boys, and Dunlop Green
Flash -
and the only time you wore them at school was for P.E.
You knew
everyone in your street - and so did your parents.
It wasn't odd to have two
or three "best" friends.
You didn't sleep a wink on Christmas eve.
When
nobody owned a pure-bred dog.
When 25p was decent pocket money
Curly
Whirlys. Space Dust. Toffo's.
Top Trumps.
When you'd reach into a muddy
gutter for a penny.
When nearly everyone's mum was at home when the kids got
there.
When any parent could discipline any kid, or feed him or use him to
carry
groceries and nobody, not even the kid, thought a thing of it.
When
being sent to the head's office was nothing compared to the fate that
awaited
a misbehaving student at home.
Basically, we were in fear for our lives but
it wasn't because of drive-by
shootings, drugs, gangs etc.
Parents and
grandparents were a much bigger threat! and some of us are
still
afraid of
them.
Didn't that feel good?
Just to go back and say, Yeah, I
remember that!
Remember when....
Decisions were made by going " Ip
Dip Dog Shit "
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money
issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "Monopoly".
The worst thing
you could catch from the opposite sex was germs.
And the worst thing in your
day was having to sit next to one.
It was unbelievable that 'British Bulldog
123' wasn't an Olympic event.
Having a weapon in school, meant being caught
with a catapult.
Nobody was prettier than Mum.
Scrapes and bruises were
kissed and made better.
Taking drugs meant orange-flavoured chewable
aspirin.
Ice cream was considered a basic food group.
Getting a foot of
snow was a dream come true.
Older siblings were the worst tormentors, but
also the fiercest protectors.
If you can remember most or all of these,
then you have LIVED.
Pass this on to anyone who may need a break from
their "grown up" life...
I DOUBLE-DARE YOU!!
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DATE: 11/15/2007 22:49:55 / MOOD: happy
Three
Hillbillies are sitting on a porch shootin' the
breeze.
1st Hillbilly
says: 'My wife sure is stupid!...She bought an air conditioner. .'
2nd Hillbilly
says: 'Why is that stupid?'
1st Hillbilly
says: 'We ain't got no 'lectricity!'
2nd Hillbilly
says: 'That's nothin'! My wife is so stupid, she bought one of them new fangled
warshin' machines!'
1st Hillbilly
says: 'Why is that so stupid?'
2nd Hillbilly
says: ''Cause we ain't got no plummin'!'
3rd Hillbilly
says: 'That ain't nuthin'! My wife is dumber than both yer wifes put together! I
was going through her purse the other day lookin' fer some change, and I found 6
condoms in thar.'
1st and 2nd
Hillbillies say: 'Well, what' s so dumb about that?'
3rd Hillbilly
says: 'She ain't got no
pecker.'
For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?
We find
ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know
Jack
Schitt!'
Well, thanks to genealogy efforts, you can now respond in
an
Intellectual way.
Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe
Schitt.
Awe Schitt was married to O. Schitt, the fertilizer magnate,
and
owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc. They had one son, Jack.
In turn,
Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt. The deeply religious
Couple produced six
children: Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla
Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins
Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt
married Dumb
Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15
years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted
Sherlock, and because her kids were
Living with them, she wanted to keep her
previous name. She was
Then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock.
Meanwhile,
Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a
Son with a rather nervous
disposition who was nick-named Chicken
Schitt.
Two of the other six
children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt,
Were inseparable throughout childhood
and subsequently married
the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The
wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the
Schitt-Happens
nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and
Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the
world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride,
Pisa
Schitt.
Now when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt,' you
can
Correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt
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