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VIEWING 1 - 9 OUT OF 42 BLOGS.
Sex Change & Short Changed
DATE: 06/10/2008 22:27:59 / MOOD: happy
A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice that the girl knows just as much about the game as they do, and they're really impressed. After the game they ask her "how is it that you know so much about baseball?" She says, "Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change." The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. "What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut off your penis?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "Was it when they cut off your balls?" "That was very painful, but was not the most painful part." "What was the most painful part?" "The part that hurt the most was when they... cut my salary in half!"
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Tinkle
DATE: 05/26/2008 17:19:06 / MOOD: happy
Tinkle
A woman pregnant with
triplets was walking down the street when a masked robber ran out of a bank and shot her three times in the
stomach.
Luckily the babies were OK. The surgeon decided to leave the bullets
in because it
was
too risky to operate. She gave birth to two healthy daughters and
a healthy son.
All was fine for 16
years, and then one daughter walked into the room in tears.
"What's
wrong?" asked the mother. "I was taking a tinkle and this
bullet
came out," replied
the daughter.
The mother told her it was okay and explained what happened
16 years ago
About a week later the second daughter walked into the room
in tears. "Mom,
I was taking a tinkle
and this bullet came
out."
Again the mother told her not to worry and explained what happened
16 years ago.
A week later her son walked into the room in
tears. "It's okay" said the Mom, "I know what happened You were taking a tinkle and a
bullet came out."
"No," said the boy,
"I was playing with myself
and I shot the dog."
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There are teachers and there are Educators
DATE: 05/26/2008 17:17:32 / MOOD: in love
According to a news report, a certain private school in Washington was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom. That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick, they would press their lips on the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints. Every night the maintenance man would remove them, and the next day the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night (you can just imagine all he yawns from the little princesses).To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror. There are teachers .. and then there are educators.
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WHY WOMEN ARE SO CRABBY!!!!
DATE: 05/26/2008 17:13:57 / MOOD: happy
WHY
WOMEN ARE SO CRABBY!!!!
We
started to 'bud' in our blouses at 9 or 10 years old only to find that anything
that came in contact with those tender, blooming buds hurt so bad it brought us
to tears. So came the ridiculously uncomfortable training bra contraption that
the boys in school would snap until we had calluses on our backs.
Next,
we get our periods in our early to mid-teens (or sooner). Along with those
budding boobs, we bloated, we cramped, we got the hormone crankies, had to wear
little mattresses between our legs or insert tubular, packed cotton rods in
places we didn't even know we had.
Our
next little rite of passage was having sex for the first time which was about as
much fun as having a ramrod push your uterus through your nostrils (IF he did it
right and didn't end up with his little cart before his horse), leaving us to
wonder what all the fuss was about.
Then
it was off to Motherhood where we learned to live on dry crackers and water for
a few months so we didn't spend the entire day leaning over Brother John. Of
course, amazing creatures that we are (and we are), we learned to live with the
growing little angels inside us steadily kicking our innards night and day
making us wonder if we were preparing to have Rosemary's Baby.
Our
once flat bellies looked like we swallowed a whole
watermelon
and we pee'd our pants every time we sneezed. When the big moment arrived, the
dam in our blessed Nether Regions invariably burst right in the middle of the
mall and we had to waddle, with our big cartoon feet, moaning in pain all the
way to the ER.
Then
it was huff and puff and beg to die while the OB says,
'Please stop screaming, Mrs. Hearmeroar. Calm down and push. 'Just one more good
push' (more like 10), warranting a strong, well-deserved impulse to punch the
%$#*@*#!* hubby and doctor square in the nose for making us cram a wiggling,
mushroom-headed 10 pound bowling ball through a
keyhole.
After
that, it was time to raise those angels only to find that when all that 'cute'
wears off, the beautiful little darlings morphed into walking, jabbering, wet,
gooey, snot-blowing, life-sucking little poop machines.
Then
come their 'Teen Years.' Need I say more?
When
the kids are almost grown, we women hit our voracious sexual prime in our early
40's - while hubby had his somewhere around his 18th birthday.
So
we progress into the grand finale: 'The Menopause,' the Grandmother of all
womanhood. It's either take HRT and chance cancer in those now seasoned 'buds'
or the aforementioned Nether Regions, or, sweat like a hog in July, wash your
sheets and pillowcases daily and bite the head off anything that moves.
Now,
you ask WHY women seem to be more spiteful than men, when men get off so easy,
INCLUDING the icing on life's cake: Being able to pee in the woods without
soaking their socks...
So,
while I love being a woman, 'Womanhood' would make the Great Gandhi a tad
crabby. You think women are the 'weaker sex?' Yeah right. Bite me.
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Red Haired Babies
DATE: 05/26/2008 17:11:12 / MOOD: happy
WHERE DO RED-HEADED BABIES COME
FROM?????
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the
Obstetrician. 'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you, but I'm a
little upset because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be
mine!!'
'Nonsense,' the doctor said.
'Even though you and your
wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair
to the gene pool.'
'It isn't possible,' the man insisted. 'This can't
be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for
generations.'
'Well,' said the doctor, 'let
me ask you this. How often do you have
sex???'
The man seemed a bit ashamed.
'I've been working very hard for the past year. We only made love once or twice
every few months.'
'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently.
'It's rust.'
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The Love Dress
DATE: 05/11/2008 21:16:42 / MOOD: happy
THE LOVE
DRESS
A woman
stopped by, unannounced, at her son's house.
She knocked on the door then immediately
walked in. She was shocked to
See her daughter-in-law lying on the couch,
totally naked.
Soft music was playing, and the aroma of
perfume filled the room.
'What are you doing?' she
asked.
'I'm waiting
for Justin to come home from work.' The daughter-in-law
answered.
'But you're
naked!' the mother-in-law exclaimed.
'This is my love dress,' the daughter-in-law
explained.
'Love dress? But you're
naked!'
'Justin loves me to wear this
dress,' she explained.
'Every time he sees me in this dress, he
instantly becomes romantic and
ravages me for
hours.'
The
mother-in-law left. When she got home she undressed, showered, put
On her best
perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and lay on
the
couch
waiting for her husband to arrive.
Finally, her husband came home. He walked in
and saw her lying there so provocatively.
'What are you doing?' he
asked.
'This is my
love dress,' she whispered, sensually.
'Needs ironing' he said, 'What's for
dinner?'
SEX SANDELS
DATE: 05/11/2008 21:04:04 / MOOD: happy
A married
couple walked in to a sandal shop.
The Jamaican said to them, 'I have
some special sandals I think you
would be interested in. Dey make you wild at
sex.'
Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals
after what
the
man claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need
them, being the
sex god he was.
The husband asked the man,'How could
sandals make you into a sex freak?'
The Jamaican replied, 'Just try
dem on, Mon.'
So, the husband, after some badgering from his wife,
finally gave in,
and
tried them on.
As soon as he slipped them
onto his feet, he got this wild look in his
eyes, something his wife hadn't
seen in many years!
In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the
Jamaican, bent him
violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down
his own
pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's
hips.
The Jamaican then began screaming, 'You got dem on the
wrong feet!
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Moods of woman /men
DATE: 04/19/2008 13:32:51 / MOOD: in love
THE MOODS OF A
WOMAN
An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A
woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a
mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar,
sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll
win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder
than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you
like poison, and love you like mad.
THE MOODS OF A
MAN
Hungry.
Horny.
Sleepy.
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10 Reasons to go to work naked
DATE: 04/19/2008 13:31:48 / MOOD: disappointed
1. Your boss is always yelling,
"I wanna see your ass in here by 8:00!"
2. Can take advantage of computer monitor
radiation to work on your
tan.
3. "I'd love to chip in,
but I left my wallet in my pants."
4. To stop those creepy guys in marketing
from looking down your
blouse.
5. You want to see if it's like the dream.
6. With a
little help from Muzak you can add
"Exotic Dancer" to your exaggerated
resume.
7. People stop stealing your pens
after they've seen where
you keep them.
8. Diverts attention from the fact
that you also came
to work drunk.
9. Gives "bad hair day" a whole new meaning.
10.
No one steals your chair.
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